Events Connected

Screen Shot 2018-03-18 at 21.55.34.png

I’ve decided that March must be the month for fertility events. Maybe because it’s supposed to be Spring. Things grow in Spring, but instead we’ve got snow. Already this month, I’ve been at the Southbank Centre’s WOW Festival (where I convened a panel on fertility education), the HFEA annual conference (where I gave a speech about the importance of accurate fertility data – I know, I know!) and yesterday I was at the Royal College of Nurses Fertility Forum.

A wonderful nurse came and threw her arms around me in a massive hug after my speech and said how sorry she was that my IVF hadn’t worked. That level of empathy from a member of the fertility profession is rather rare. I wish she’d been my nurse. Two days earlier at the HFEA conference, they had released a staggering statistic. In 2016, there were 82,000 IVF cycles in the UK. 20,340 of these resulted in a live birth and 61,660 didn’t. That means three quarters of all treatment cycles failed. There are a lot of hugs needed out there.

I think this sort of data is really important for the world to know (hence my speech at the HFEA). It will help people go into IVF with their eyes open and prepare themselves for the physical, emotional and financial strain of what lies ahead – even when it works and we must remember that one quarter of patients did take home their longed for baby. If I have my way young people will also have their eyes opened much earlier on. I was arguing for this at WOW. All my events are connected in a way.

Next up I’ll be in Manchester for the Fertility Show this coming weekend (something I highly recommend if you live in the North West and you’re considering your fertility options and want to hear from the best). And after that I’m involved in a Progress Educational Trust event on The Real Cost of IVF.

All my events – past and present – can be viewed here:  Do come along if you’re interested. And most importantly, don’t miss Fertility Fest in May. Because with snow in March, maybe May is set to become the most fertile time of the year. Even if it’s not, there will be hugs aplenty for everyone there.


Front Page News

Screen Shot 2018-03-04 at 21.50.34.png

One day soon I’m going to write a proper blog. Like the old days. I’m not going to take blog sabbaticals. Or spend Sunday wondering whether anyone will notice if I skip a week. Or question how many words is enough – I know a blog can be too long but can it be too little?

One day soon I’m going to write a proper blog. But not today. For now can I just say that it’s the end of an action packed snowy week at the Fertility Fest Fun Factory! We’ve been at the National Theatre developing our fertility arts education project – Modern Families. You can read more about it on the Fertility Fest website here:

But…you can also now read about it on the front page of Friday’s Times – and in the Independent, The Sun and the Daily Mail. Or you can watch me on Friday’s Victoria Derbyshire show on catch up (25 minutes in) or listen to me on Saturday night’s Radio Five Live (1 hour 30 minutes in). Or tune in tomorrow to ITV News.

One day soon I’m going to write a proper blog. One that gives you all my news. But for now, I’m just writing to let you know that Fertility Fest has been making the news. And my eyes are dropping.

Jessica x

From That to This

On Tuesday 6 February at the Bush Theatre we launched Fertility Fest 2018. Hurrah!

That picture is of me and my Co-director Gabby at the launch. We’re the two sides of IVF – she’s got toddler twins after four rounds of treatment, I haven’t after eleven. But we both know how hard and horrible it is to struggle to conceive and hope that through the power of the arts our festival will improve the discourse around all aspects of fertility, infertility, modern families and the science of making babies. This year’s festival is even bigger and better than the last – 6 days, 40 events and 150 artists and fertility experts. Do have a peruse of the programme on our website and come if you can. You’ll be amongst friends.

Less than a week later, I was up in Scotland mountain training for my next challenge. I have to admit my head wasn’t in it at first, my head was still in London at the launch. But I’m now two years away from my third and final challenge for families without children and children without families and it’s a big one so needs must. My forties may have be absent of the children I never had but if things to go to plan, I’m going to have had nine surrogate babies instead – three festivals, three books and three challenges, all of which are aimed at making a better world for people who have struggled to create the families they wanted.

Because for me, it’s all about the trade off. My surrogate children may have never happened without my struggle to conceive and even though the pain of what I don’t have will never go away, it doesn’t mean that I would swap it for what I got in return. By the end of 2018, I’ll be two festivals, two books and two challenges down leaving just three to go (you can read about what I’ve already done on my website if you don’t know). But that’s why, in less than a week, my life goes ‘from that to this’ (click on this Facebook link to watch the full film…)

Screen Shot 2018-02-18 at 16.37.19

Note To Blogging Self!

I did it again. In fact it feels like I’m making a habit of it. Monday morning. A hotel room in Barcelona. And I suddenly remember I’ve forgotten. My blog – the one which I’ve committed to writing every other Sunday (apart from at the end of last year when I took a mini sabbatical). You may remember I forgot to write last October too. But I had the best intentions for 2018…

I guess I could blame it on Barcelona. It is a city of distractions. Although I was only there on a whirlwind trip of 36 hours. But maybe that contributed to my memory loss. Added to this is my ‘To Do List’ which is currently the length of a small novel and my exploding inbox littered with the shrapnel of unanswered email.

Are you getting my drift? I’ve been busy. And I’ve been in Barcelona. Busy, Barcelona and blogs don’t get on.

I’d like to think that things will change this Tuesday. This Tuesday (6th February) is when we officially launch Fertility Fest 2018 to the press and public. The festival will be taking place at the Bush Theatre in West London in May. The lead up to launch has been the main reason for my overload of work. Finalising the programme and publicity for a festival with 150 artists and fertility experts has been more than I bargained for. But then most of my life has been more than I bargained for. Anyone else feel like that?

As I write this, I am contemplating the document of 20,000 words of artist and fertility expert biogs that I need to edit by the end of today and upload to our website. I’m not sure right now whether it’s going to happen. And that’s just one of the things on today’s to do list. I won’t bore you with the others.

So I’m going to post this blog now, lest I forget later. It’s essentially got one important message which is that if you sign up to our Fertility Fest mailing list now – or look back on the site on Tuesday then all be revealed and tickets will be going on sale. If you’re at all interested in fertility, infertility, modern families and the science of making babies, you won’t want to miss it (even if I do say so myself). It’s going to be pretty amazing.

Oh and of Barcelona. Well, after the London festival in May, we’ll be taking Fertility Fest to the biggest fertility industry conference in the world which is taking place in July – in Barcelona. I was there on a recce. So I’m going to endeavour to be a better blogger from now because communication is everything. And there’s a lot going on this year in my bid to make a better world for fertility and infertility that I want you, my lovely blog readers, to know about. Thank you for sticking with me – I may even write next Sunday!

Jessica x

Fertility Fest logo on balloons bg wide

Some People I Love…

Screen Shot 2018-01-14 at 19.01.48

It’s Sunday 14 January – exactly a month before Valentine’s Day – so I thought I’d tell you about some people I love – and who will definitely be getting a card from me.

I’m going to start with Tracey Sainsbury, senior fertility counsellor at the Lister Fertility Clinic who has recently written a ‘must read’ book called Making Friends with your Fertility, co-authored with Sarah Rayner best-selling writer of the novel The Two Week Wait. It’s a book that, frankly, everyone interested in the subject of fertility and infertility should read especially if you’re a patient (or prospective patient). If everybody got given a copy of Tracey’s book when they first went to their GP to say that they’re struggling to conceive, the world would be a better place. There would be more understanding about what you need to do to make a baby; what the path ahead might look like when the regular route gets rocky; and when to throw in the towel or go off piste. Tracey went through infertility diagnosis and treatment herself – unsuccessfully – and eventually became a mum through adoption. She’s one of the most knowledgeable women I know about this subject and will most certainly be getting a Valentine’s card from me for helping me make friends with my fertility!

As will Anya Sizer and Kate Brian who in the book of my life are two brilliant women. Both are IVF parents (and Anya, like Tracey,  is an adoptive mum too). Both have written books about their experience (click on their names to see), and both have worked for the national charity Fertility Network UK (as has Tracey). Anya is currently the London representative for the charity. Kate, amongst many other things, is Women’s Voices Lead and Chair of the Women’s Network at the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists and also a board member of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority which regulates IVF treatment in the UK. All three women – Anya, Kate and Tracey – have been incredibly supportive of my work and I love and thank them for it.

Next up on my card list are four professors (interestingly I seem to spend a lot of my life with fertility professors these days). Allan Pacey – the God of Sperm. Joyce Harper – the Empress of Embryology. Geeta Nargund – one of the most successful IVF consultants in the UK who also has an unparalleled passion for fertility education and equality. And Jacky Boivin, the psychologist who knows more than anyone about how infertility affects the mind. They are all so much cleverer than me and I love them for it.

Also getting cards – and they’ll have to be arty ones – are Alice King Farlow and Natalie Highwood. Alice is Director of Learning at the National Theatre (a huge job in the arts) and Natalie most recently worked full-time at the Southbank Centre (another amazing creative organisation) before become an IVF mum and freelance arts consultant. Who can blame her with toddler twins?

Farrah Nazir and Lily Rose Davis from the Wellcome Trust are on my list too – because generous people who give you money to do things should always get cards.

And finally Jonathan Lighthill. Just simply a lovely man and representative of all IVF dads who have struggled with infertility. Because there are lots of them about but sometimes they do need a bit of encouragement to come out!

So that’s it. The list of twelve people that are on my Valentine’s card list this year. Together they form the Steering Committee of Fertility Fest and for the last year they have all given their valuable time and experience for free to support me and my Co-director Gabby Vautier to make it the best event it can possibly be. And you have to admit it reads as pretty cool company to be in doesn’t it. But then I can promise you, Fertility Fest 2018 is going to be pretty cool. The programme will be announced and tickets go on sale on Tuesday 6 February. Have you signed up to our mailing list yet?

The Blog is Back!

I’m back! I’ve even overreached my intention. I said I’d return in the new year – and it’s still 2017. Just.

I won’t lie (because the truth is important to me), it’s been a difficult couple of months. But I had a lovely Christmas – my mum, my sister, my niece, two great nieces (yes, I’m already a great aunt!) and our two female cats Dotty and Flo. All the men in our lives have either died or deserted. It was a Christmas of Girl Power!

I will be writing my resolutions tomorrow – after a new year’s day swim in the Ladies Pond on Hampstead Heath. I have also taken a total break from exercise for the last couple of months and I need to get back to it because I’m now half way towards my next (final?) HUGE endurance challenge. I’m planning to climb Elbrus this summer (the highest mountain in Europe) and then in Autumn I’ll be back in Nepal for another peak. Of course these are big physical challenges in themselves but they don’t start with an E and end in a T and that’s what I’m working towards.

2018 will also be a big year for me in lots of other ways. On 3 May my second book – 21 Miles: Swimming in search of the meaning of motherhood – will be published. And the following week (8th – 13th May) Fertility Fest –my arts festival dedicated to fertility, infertility and the science of making babies – will be at the Bush Theatre in West London. Next year’s festival will involve 150 artists and fertility experts in a week-long programme of events about making (and sometimes not making) families in the modern world. We’ll be officially launching the festival at the beginning of February but you can sign up to our mailing list now to ensure you’re the first to hear the news when tickets go on sale.

In February I am also starting the pilot of a new (world first?) fertility arts education project called ‘Modern Families’. You may be aware that the UK government is currently consulting on changes to the PSHE curriculum in schools and the introduction of compulsory Sex and Relationship Education. The Modern Families Project – a collaboration between Fertility Fest (involving eight of our artists), the National Theatre, University College London, the University of Cardiff and the British Fertility Society – will be lobbying to ensure the curriculum includes what we’ve not been told about our fertility in the past and how young people can maximize their chances of creating the families they want in the future. I’ll be convening a panel discussion about this at the Southbank’s Women of the World Festival in March. Come and join the debate.

So…2018 is going to be a massive year for me in lots of ways. But one of the reasons I wanted to write today – before 2017 is finally over – is because I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me in so many ways this year. To Gabby Vautier, my Co-Director of Fertility Fest – a wonderful woman who is my reminder that whatever your outcome after struggling to conceive (she has IVF twin girls after four rounds of treatment) it’s so important to value what we share with the people we love and not what separates us. To all the people (now 290 of them) who have supported the publication of my second book – without whom it wouldn’t be happening. And, finally, to those of you who contacted me after my last blog to see if I was OK.

It’s OK. I’m OK. The blog is back!

Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 15.13.58

A Shout Out To My Sherpa

Apologies. This blog is long overdue – it’s unlike me, but I have not been entirely myself.

I must begin with a shout out to my Sherpa who guided me safely to the top of Island Peak in Nepal. Since I started my mountain madness two years ago with Kilimanjaro, my climbs have been getting increasingly tougher. Island Peak involved crossing a glacier crevasse on a terrifying  Everest-style ladder (well actually it was three ladders strung together) and then a final roped 70 degree ascent. It was tough and without Geljen – my super Sherpa who has summited Everest three times – I might not have made it. But I did and here we are together at the top.

Shout Out To My Sherpa

Secondly, I want to congratulate everyone who made Fertility Awareness Week (30th October to 5th November) the best yet. I returned from Nepal the day before it started and got immediately caught in the whirlwind. There was lots of press and media (thank you to everyone who came out and did their bit – mine was appearing in a feature in the magazine Closer). I also want to send my love and respect to the amazing Anya Sizer who spearheaded an important event at the House of Commons to discuss what we need to do about the crisis of IVF on the NHS. Then, at the end of the week, there was the Fertility Show at London’s Olympia where I hosted a total of 12 events in two days! Here’s a pic of me on stage trying to employ my best interviewing skills with lovely authors Helen Davies (More Love To Give) and  Rachel Cathan (336 Hours) along with Tone Jarvis-Mack from Fertility Road.

Screen Shot 2017-11-12 at 16.30.37

Thank you to everyone who has messaged me over the last few weeks. Your contact and support is truly the thing that motivates me to keep going – because sometimes my life feels a little overwhelming and this has been particularly true over the last few weeks which is why I haven’t been myself.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that it’s exactly four years ago since I came out to the world about my pursuit of motherhood – in a feature for Grazia magazine.  When I look back, it feels extraordinary how much has happened since then. Most of it has been really good stuff – publishing a book; establishing the world’s first arts festival about fertility, infertility and the science of making babies; swimming a channel; running a marathon, climbing a mountain (in fact, several). But there has also been some hard stuff in my life which I’ve not talked or written about publicly – stuff that has been much harder than crossing a crevasse on a steel ladder!

So I’ve decided I’m going to take a short blog sabbatical. Just until the new year – don’t worry I’ll be back. 2018 is going to be a really important year for me. The month of May will see the return of Fertility Fest  at London’s Bush Theatre from 8th to 13th May. We’re planning an amazing week-long programme of activities – even bigger and better than before – with a massive festival weekend on Friday 11th, Saturday 12th and Sunday 13th May – put the dates in your diaries NOW. As part of the festival we will also be launching a major new fertility arts education project for young people in collaboration with the National Theatre. My dream is that ultimately this will tour to all UK schools so that the next generation will have a much better understanding of how their fertility works; how modern families are being made; and what reproductive science can and cannot do. In a world where sub fertility and childlessness is rapidly increasing and IVF is likely to become less and less available on the NHS, I know that I have to use my own experience to make things better for those taking on the baton of life next.

Along with Fertility Fest, there will also be the publication of my new book, 21 Miles, which is officially coming out in June thanks to the 281 lovely people that, to date, have supported my pre-order crowdfunding campaign. I’ve just received the manuscript edit from my publishers so between now and Christmas, I’ll be working hard to make sure it can be the best book it can be.

People often tell me how brave I’ve been to speak so openly about my infertility but with the publication of 21 Miles, I’m going to need to find new courage. Some of the hard stuff I’ve alluded to above will soon become clear – my struggle to conceive didn’t just result in taking away something I never had, it also took away something I never thought I’d lose. I know I’m not alone in this and I need to make sense of it, not just for myself but for other people going through it too.

So for now ‘au revoir’ but just until new year 2018 – which will be the beginning of the next chapter in my life and the vocation I never chose. No doubt there will be a few more mountains too…

Hello From The Himalayas

Those of you who are eagle-eyed, may have noticed that my blog has skipped a week. In fact, for the first time in four years of writing it, I actually forgot! My excuse being that after a whirlwind of work during September and early October, I boarded a plane for Nepal. Last Sunday I landed in Kathmandu and, within a matter of hours, I was walking in the Himalayas and it was only then that I thought: ‘Shit, I forgot!’

But if I had written last Sunday, then this is what I would have said.

  1. THANK YOU – to everyone who pre-ordered my new book 21 Miles – it’s because of you that it will be published next year. I’ll be posting more news about the launch and publication soon. But for now, I just want to say that I will be forever grateful to everyone who contributed to the crowd-funding campaign and made it possible – and it’s not too late if you haven’t bought it yet. Just click here.
  2. WOW – I’ve just landed in Kathmandu and it’s incredible. Tomorrow I’m heading off on my next climbing challenge – Island Peak . Hopefully this will soon be me:

Screen Shot 2017-10-15 at 11.59.05

Screen Shot 2017-10-15 at 12.07.17

So a week behind schedule and here I am in the Himalayas. We’ve been trekking for seven days staying in beautiful tea-houses (some of which have internet hence being able to post this). But tomorrow we head high. We’ve reached the point where the air thins, the temperature drops, the going gets tough and there certainly ain’t no Wi-Fi. So I thought I’d post today to let you know where I am – and all being well I’ll be able to post next Sunday to let you know how I got on. And then my blogs will have caught up.

You may have noticed that endurance has become a bit of a theme in my life. First there was eleven rounds of IVF – I got to know the environment of the fertility clinic pretty well which is why I’m delighted to be the host of the Q&A stage at The Fertility Show on 4th and 5th November at Olympia where I’ll also be giving a seminar on how to survive the IVF rollercoaster. I highly recommend the show to anyone facing fertility treatment as it’s attended by some of the top experts in the world. I’ll be quizzing them on what you need to know!

Next up was 21 miles – I swapped the fertility clinic for the English Channel and got to know a new environment – this time the sea. You’ll be able to read all about that in my new book.

Now, it’s me and mountains. So far I’ve climbed two of the world’s seven summits (Kilimanjaro and Aconcagua) and now I’ve come to Nepal – home of the highest mountains on the planet. I hope it won’t be the last time in this beautiful country. I’m hoping that my IVF endurance test was the start of something really big. Stay with me, and you’ll see.

Your Blogger Still Needs You

For those of you who might not have read my last blog, perhaps the title of this one needs some explaining. So, if it does, for speed (mine not yours) you can read this.

I truly hope this will be my last ‘begging blog’ for a long while. Besides, two weeks today, when my next blog is due, I’ll have just landed in Kathmandu and I suspect the sensory overload of that will overide all thoughts of fundraising.

But I’m not there yet and this week, your blogger still needs you. The crowd-funding campaign for my second book, 21 Miles, is now at over 70% and has nearly 200 backers. But 70% is not 100% and 200 isn’t the 250 I need. So if you’re at all interested in reading it, I would love you to buy it (and thank you to everyone who already did).

I don’t think I mentioned before that not only will you get a beautiful book for your bookshelves (which hopefully contains a good story), you’ll also be listed in the back as one of the amazing people who made it happen. A symbol of solidarity for independent publishing in a world driven by genre fiction and the latest celebrity vehicle. Haven’t you written the new ‘Girl on the Train’? No. I’ve written about a girl in the sea and 21 other girls who met and ate with me to talk about life fulfilment and the meaning of motherhood.

I hope this is enough to tempt you. I’ll be indebted if you could click this link and pledge because your blogger needs you. Still.

Oh, and Kathmandu? I’m going to climb another mountain – not quite as big as Aconcagua in Argentina which I climbed in January – but this one requires a harness, ropes and carabanas, that sort of terrifying technical thing. It’s the next step in my quest to something bigger…

But I can’t think about that at the moment. Before I leave I have a major report to finish and file on theatre provision in Essex (!). I have over 100 artists and fertility experts to programme for Fertility Fest next year– which has just been confirmed for w/c 7 May at the Bush Theatre in London with the main festival activity happening over the weekend of Friday 11th to Sunday 13th May (a date for your diary, it’s going to be special). And I have to finalise and deliver the manuscript of my book 21 Miles to my publishers. Before that I have to complete the crowd-funding campaign. In fact there’s no point in the manuscript if I don’t complete the crowd-funding campaign. So Kathmandu and carabanas are not on my radar at the moment. But in two weeks time they will be.

Life would have been much easier, I reckon, if I’d been able to have a baby.

Screen Shot 2017-09-10 at 20.23.47

Your Blogger Needs You

Dear Readers, Your Blogger Needs You! Imagine me in a general’s hat, no moustache but a finger pointing. Not in a confrontational way but in a gently encouraging, hopeful way. If that’s ok.

This month I’ve launched the pre-order fundraising campaign for my new book. 21 Miles: the story of one woman who ate 21 meals with 21 women and then swam 21 miles to answer the question: does motherhood make you happy? No prizes for guessing who that one woman is! You can watch the trailer, read the synopsis and an extract here:

So why does your blogger need you? Well, I’m working with an award-winning publisher called Unbound that is based on a crowd-funding business model that gives more control to authors and their readers. This has proved really important for my book because mainstream publishers still feel that what I write about is niche and a bit taboo. 21 Miles is my next step in changing the conversation around motherhood and making a better world for all women. But only if people want to read it. So please consider buying an advance copy (digital or hardback) or ticket/s to the book launch. All the details are here:

I’m hoping that the pre-order campaign for my book will be completed by the end of September which will mean that it will be published next year to coincide with Fertility Fest – my arts festival about fertility, infertility and the science of assisted conception (watch this space for more information on that soon). Yesterday I went to an exhibition by a lovely artist who I was meeting for the first time and I hope will be appearing in a future festival. I told her that I really want to try and change the world around this topic but sometimes it feels difficult and I’m not sure whether I will. Like having to crowdfund for your book which is tough – and a bit like IVF, physically and emotionally exhausting, all hope and no certainty.

Later the same lovely artist sent me an email thanking me for coming to her show. She said that following our conversation, she wanted to send me a quote by Robert Kennedy. This is it.

 Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.

If you buy my book – and your blogger needs you to – you will be sending me a ripple of hope. And although I might never have the greatness to bend history what I can promise you is this: together we might change a small portion of events and in all those acts and in this book will be written the history of the IVF generation.

Screen Shot 2017-09-10 at 20.23.47